Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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