broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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