I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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