How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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