member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
