his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
