I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
