I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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