Have you finally orgasmed yet?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
