perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
