i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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