Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
