just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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