I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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