I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
