I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
