Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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