Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
