walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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