dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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