so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
