yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
