If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
