drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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