Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
