ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
