Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
