i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
