umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
