What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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