Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize