i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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