apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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