Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
