I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
