even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
