Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
