broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
