can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
