Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
