good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
