I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
