she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am spending my child support on dildos
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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