that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
