Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
