operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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