You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
