Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
