how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
