I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
