He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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