I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
