I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
