you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
