she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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