Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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