so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
