RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
