Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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