There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
