weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
