How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
