So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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