I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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