Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
