Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
