dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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