We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
