I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
