she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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