oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My balls are so social today.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize