In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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