im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
