I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
