And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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