this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
