haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
