Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize