Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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