i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
