Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
