by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
