i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
