It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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