Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
