Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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