you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
