omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
