are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
