I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
