You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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