If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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