Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
